by Growing up as the youngest child of three sporty older sisters, I always felt like the odd one out. I was the slightly lazy person who was never picked for school teams and hated PE, unless they were always running marathons and doing triathlons.
That story stuck with me as I got older. In my 20s, I had a hectic life in London, acting and auditioning for roles, and doing some modeling jobs. I’m 5ft 10in and as my size changed from a size 12 to a 16, I was labeled “plus size”. At my height, I felt big while carrying extra weight.
I didn’t hate my body – I’ve always been a believer in body positivity – but the pressure from society to be thin was constant. I didn’t have a good relationship with food, I would binge on a packet of chocolate biscuits or diet to extremes, while going out drinking with my friends. My weight suffered.
I was on my first diet, the Atkins, aged 15, and then I spent my 20s yo-yo dieting, trying every fad diet under the sun – Atkins, lemon juice cleanses, the Skinny Bitch diet , the Cabbage Soup diet, meal replacement with baby food. You name it, I’ve done it, about 20 of them. I even tried taking laxatives.
I wanted quick results, and I would follow the diets for a week or two, felt terrible, and give up. Likewise, I want to dip my toe in and out of cardio or aerobics. I want to go into a gym and jump on a treadmill for half an hour, then get bored after a month.
When I had my children Rufus, eight years old, and Heidi, six years old, I thought, “This is the first time in my life I don’t have to worry about food or my size.” With Heidi, I gained a 5th during pregnancy, and then it was hard for me to lose it afterwards. I weighed 15st, the heaviest I’ve ever been.
Cooking for the kids made things worse. It is so easy to finish his supper without even noticing. Then I would eat more slowly, or eat unhealthy food because I wasn’t really hungry. Lockdowns made things worse, and I tried to lose weight the wrong way again, with another fad diet.
I felt like I was failing at everything – being a wife and a mother, and even taking care of myself. I had taught dance at a performing arts school for several years, and then later bought it myself. Being self-employed, I hardly had any maternity leave – I barely gave birth before I was back at work. Meanwhile my husband David, who is also an actor, was busy getting a standing ovation in the West End, while I was in the comfort of home eating. I felt lost – even though he was always very supportive, and he didn’t pay any attention to me.
It emerged about two years ago. My weight was creeping up towards 15st again. I had all kinds of health issues including plantar fasciitis, which is inflammation of the foot, and I was on anti-anxiety medication. The GP continued to test me for Type 2 diabetes.
Something clicked in my head, and I thought, “I can’t live like this anymore.” I decided I was going to make a permanent change and with both children in primary school I had more time to do it the right way. I focused on nutrition first and put myself in a calorie deficit by eating a high protein, 1,500 calorie per day diet. For the first three months, I was extremely disciplined. I weighed everything and tracked it on the Nutracheck app – it’s very careful at first but you soon get used to the portion sizes. Christmas was the only day I didn’t count calories.
I also promised to reach 10,000 steps a day. I didn’t do any exercise beyond that at first because I was too self-conscious and uncomfortable in exercise gear to set foot in a gym. But it was a game changer to start working with a fitness coach three months later. He set me on a more sustainable goal of 1900 calories a day and made me realize that eating too little was not good. At the same time I started trying to see a therapist because I realized that a lot of my problems with food were connected to how I felt about myself. I always felt too high, and never good enough, and I was very used to rejection.
The thing is that we can eat more than we think and still lose weight – but what happens instead is that people go on a diet, they take a number like 1200 calories out of thin air, and it is not enough to live on. Our bodies and brains are designed to keep us alive, so you either binge, or stop, or relapse.
After losing the first stone, I started incorporating strength training three times a week, along with one to two cardio sessions. I’m not a natural runner, but I pushed myself to improve my 5K time from 40 minutes to 27. About six months in I started lifting heavier weights. At 9, I was at my slimmest for this year’s London Marathon – something I never thought I’d be able to do – and I’m now around 10st.
I’m in a maintenance zone – it was hard at first to go back to eating 2,300 calories a day but I trust that my body needs that fuel. I rarely weigh myself. I can’t count calories anymore. I have complete freedom, in the sense that I don’t feel guilty if I have a drink or a biscuit. I’m not driven by addiction either, but before I was addicted to sugar, carbs and alcohol.
I live my life with an 80/20 split. Eighty percent of the time I will be disciplined, and working out, and 20 percent of the time I could treat myself – could be a night out with the girls, or take away. I don’t let it get in the way of having fun. But at the same time, I don’t have a mindset of “It’s the weekend now, I can do what I like.” There are no “cheat days”.
At some point friends were concerned that I was losing too much. But I was never hungry. I always trusted my coach and I was getting stronger. Every now and then people say mean things on Instagram like: “You used to look cute but now you look malnourished.” But I’m not. I am perfectly healthy, fit and strong, which has boosted my confidence – but best of all, I have so much energy. And I’m proud that I saw this through, because as a child I felt like the person who didn’t see things through.
I recently did a personal training qualification. So now I spend every day encouraging other women to be fit and strong as well as helping them lose weight in a healthy way. It’s perfect for me because I can turn my hard-earned expertise into a meaningful career, and empower others to prioritize their health.
Look at Instagram @mummyjuggler for more information on Tara’s online health and fitness training
As told to Lebby Eyres
Diet: before
Breakfast
Toast, croissant, cereal at 5am when the kids got up.
Second breakfast
Carb-heavy snacks such as chocolate digestifs or prawn cocktail biscuits.
Lunch
A pesto sandwich or pasta with the kids.
Dinner
Frozen food such as fish fingers and oven chips or ready meals such as lasagne.
Snacks
Toast, chocolate biscuits and crisps.
Alcohol
A wine glass that could be a bottle.
Diet: after
Breakfast
Protein porridge, or eggs with chicken sausage, with fiber from berries or avocado.
Lunch
A simple casing wrap with chicken and melted cheese – deep fried!
Dinner
A balanced plate with 30-40g of protein such as chicken or oily fish, carbs such as pasta or potatoes, and vegetables. I love curry with lentils or chickpeas.
Snacks
100-calorie crisps or a small slice of cake.
Alcohol
I rarely drink at home now, but I will have a glass of Prosecco with friends at the weekend.
Practice: before
Before
Running bursts or cardio in the gym.
After
Two or three mornings at the gym doing strength training with one or two cardio sessions such as HIIT or a Hyrox session. In addition, additional exercise such as 10,000 steps a day, or cycling.
