by Two boiled potatoes and a cocktail the color of Puppy Slush almost landed me in a prison in West Africa. Admittedly, theft was not on my mind when we cornered the meager pickups available at the (only) lounge in Gabon’s Léon-Mba International Airport in Libreville. Two lonely bottles of spirits behind the dust bar weren’t even worth the extra weight in my luggage.
But a misunderstanding about payment for lounge access led to an angry receptionist chasing me through the terminal screaming, “J’appelle la police.” All that stress and embarrassment for a bite of a par-cooked spud.
This wasn’t the first time I had problems with airport lounges. It won’t be the last.
According to a new report published by Which one of them? many airport lounges fail to live up to expectations. Of the 20 British lounges that were secretly surveyed, none achieved more than three out of five stars. In fact, the majority scored much lower, suggesting that travelers would be better off spending their money on other food outlets.
When the first airport lounge opened in New York’s LaGuardia airport in 1939, it was an invitation-only affair; an exclusive area for wealthy high-flyers to relax before flights. Follow similar spaces.
It’s not just the airlines that have seen the potential of providing a sought-after haven for valuable customers. Soon, companies realized there was a market for charging people to access lounges where free food, drink and later Wi-Fi were guaranteed.
For years, I considered access to the lounge a treat, a way to start a vacation in style or relieve the stress of traveling for work. I’ve probably passed through over 200 airports this year, from the sprawl of Charles de Gaulle to the tin hut of Bissau. I usually fly economy class, which makes it the only option for finding a good place to sit and file stories between flights.
Too often, however, I was disappointed by the quality of what was available. In Zimbabwe’s Harare airport, a land of shabby stalls selling bread rolls as hard as boulders and poorly carved wooden giraffes, the lounge was signposted as a gateway to heaven. But somehow, I must be stuck in purgatory along the way.
The only food available at the Dzimbahwe Executive Lounge was bowls of crisps sealed with cling film and a few flat white bread sandwiches. The Wi-Fi couldn’t be connected and cheap PVC sofas were stacked so close together, they could have gone up in smoke if someone had played a game.
Worst of all was the cost. I used one of my 10 Premium Pass entries (annual membership £229) but was charged £30 to bring a friend. I could buy a few rolls of stale bread for the same amount of £60.
It’s not just airports in developing countries that have sub-par lounges. At London Gatwick, the Plaza Premium is quite a pleasant space when there are no other flights departing. But during busy times, I had to squeeze in next to strangers and if I’m honest, I could have found better breakfast options at Greggs. The branch at T4 Heathrow is not much better.
Which one of them? a similar conclusion was reached in their report. Since the pandemic, corners have been cut a lot. No1 Lounges no longer offer al la carte menus and spa facilities are a thing of the past. But the worst offender according to their reviewers was the SKYLIFE Southend lounge, nothing more than a roped off area in a dingy bar.
When services are poorer, prices are higher. Which one of them? say the Aspire Lounges they reviewed are on average 40 per cent more expensive compared to 2020 – with costs ranging from £21–£35. London prices are even worse. A five-hour stay at Heathrow’s Plaza Premiums will cost around £245 for a family of four. You’d have to eat a lot of food to make that worthwhile and trust me, in most cases you won’t be going back for seconds.
The best lounge experiences in the past 12 months have been in airline-operated spaces: the Qantas lounge at T4, the Virgin Clubhouse, and various Cathay Pacific options in Hong Kong. Since I rarely fly business, I’ve been relying on my BA Executive Club cash card for Oneworld lounge access – although I may not accumulate enough air miles to keep that going .
Otherwise, I’m going to invest in a portable stool, get my own dongle and bring a packed lunch. Hardly glamorous, but unfortunately airport lounges these days aren’t either.
