by Choosing your favorite child is like choosing your favorite overhead kick.
Obviously, what is socially acceptable is to pretend that each one is a blessing and that you love them equally. You obviously have a secret favorite.
Alejandro Garnacho joined the conversation on Sunday afternoon at Goodison Park, opening the scoring for Manchester United in a Premier League game that was in danger of being overshadowed by Everton fans protesting their 10-point deduction.
There’s nothing like a shiny megawatt to lure fans away from finance-related sanctions. Now, of course, we have something new to discuss: Where does Garnacho’s golazzo rank on the all-time list?
Ten bicycle kick goals to consider below in reverse chronological order. All are rated in five categories: distance from the goal, height at which the scorer touched the ball, overall beauty, power of the shot and how important the goal was.
Let’s start this weekend:
Alejandro Garnacho
For Manchester United vs Everton, November 26 2023
It’s great to run backwards at some speed before connecting, a very modern overhead kick at that. It seems like it’s playing fast forward compared to some of what’s to come. It’s probably the best in Major League history, although some of the edge has been taken away by how early it came in a game that was ultimately underway.
Range 8/10
Height 8/10
Aesthetics 8/10
Power 7/10
Importance 6/10
Through and through 37/50
Gareth Bale
Not just in the Champions League final, but a recovery goal ahead after Sadio Mané equalised. It flies in fairly but a little untidy about the way Bale fell to the ground after connecting. No, this is not gymnastics, but these are the edges on which we must judge such great objective moments. Can you have a scruffy overhead kick?
Range 7/10
Height 6/10
Aesthetics 6/10
Power 8/10
Importance 10/10
37/50 overall
Cristiano Ronaldo
For Real Madrid vs Juventus, 3 April 2018
Hard to beat the timing here, as Senhor Abs judges his jump and footwork perfectly to connect at the top. The satisfying sound of home fans’ applause helps their case. A mild question mark about leaving one of the best players in the world with enough space in the box to even attempt this kind of shot.
Range 5/10
Height 7/10
Aesthetics 9/10
Power 6/10
Importance 7/10
34/50 overall
Oscar Masuluk
For Baroka vs Orlando Pirates, 30 November 2016
We all remember where we were watching this game in the South African Premier League seven years ago. Orlando Pirates ahead in stoppage time? Goalkeeper Masuluke up for a late corner? No bells to ring? A glorious feat for any keeper to score, let alone in such a spectacular way, but the overall score is hurt by the sheer novelty of it all.
Range 7/10
Height 8/10
Aesthetics 6/10
Power 6/10
Importance 6/10
33/50 overall
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
An absurd goal to score, an absurd thing to do. Ibrahimovic’s prodigious gifts meant he often reached heights that few other footballers could match, most notably when he exposed a stranded Joe Hart in a friendly to open the Friends Arena in Stockholm. Only those low stakes refuse to give him a higher placement.
Range 10/10
Height 9/10
Aesthetics 9/10
Power 6/10
Importance 4/10
38/50 overall
Wayne Rooney
For Manchester United vs Manchester City, 12 February 2011
Together, they got a slightly higher status than he deserves. Yes, a great goal, it is one of the biggest steps to imagine, but 100 percent comes from then. Despite that, it gets more power on its shot than another competitor and sounds delicious too.
Range 6/10
Height 6/10
Aesthetics 8/10
Power 8/10
Importance 8/10
36/50 overall
Rivaldo
The first in a delightful sub-feature of self-teed overhead, the chest control with which Rivaldo sets himself here is interesting. Can’t, in good conscience, award enough power points to an overhead kick that bounces just over the line, but, you know, fair play for his part in a ridiculous hat-trick and the subsequent win taking place for Barcelona in the Champions League.
Range 9/10
Height 6/10
Aesthetics 7/10
Power 5/10
Importance 9/10
36/50 overall
Benito Carbon
For Sheffield Wednesday vs Newcastle, 9 August 1997
Very much the Yorkshire Rivaldo for a brief period in the late 90s, Carbone takes the self-tee to comical new places on the opening day of the 1997/98 season. He is not a tall man, all this happens at the same height as John Beresford’s knees.
Range 6/10
Height 5/10
Aesthetics 8/10
Power 6/10
Importance 5/10
Through and through 30/50
Trevor Sinclair
For QPR vs Barnsley, 25 January 1997
Almost faultless, apart from his context as a goal to make it 3-1 in the FA Cup quarter-final. He connects just outside the box at an almost sub-real height, the ball drops a little at the last minute to crash into the top of the net and it’s always funny that a bloke in a beige jacket ends up behind the goal at shouted the Barnsley defenders.
Range 8/10
Height 9/10
Aesthetics 9/10
Power 9/10
Importance 4/10
39/50 overall
Marco van Basten
For Ajax vs Den Bosch, November 9 1986
Impossible to separate the objective quality of the target from the warmth of grainy VCR movies from the 80s. Unusually angular, almost like a curl into the upper corner. Like much of Van Basten’s oeuvre, a thing of absolute beauty.
Range 6/10
Height 8/10
Aesthetics 9/10
Power 8/10
Importance 6/10
37/50 overall
Verdict
Can I just shock you? These QPR supporters believe Trevor Sinclair’s overhead kick was better. The final ranking:
10 Carbon
9 Masuluk
8 Ronaldo
6= Rivaldo
6= Ruany
3= Garnacho
3= Van Basten
3= Ball
2 Ibrahimovic
1 Sinclair
