by We’re a day or two away from our minds being filled with the most unnecessary statistics football has to offer: THE CALENDAR YEAR. Nothing in the last 12 months conveys a better sense of self-importance than writing the word calendar in front of it. Our mind is already full before we get into this immaterial stream.
No one won more duels in 2023 than James Tarkowski. Jordan Ayew was more upside than any other player. Rodri made the most fouls since Kevin Davies in 2006. Don’t check any of these. But does anyone care?
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Football happens in seasons. The season begins, the season ends. There is a break. Players are bought and sold, managers move on, someone takes a rag to the slate, and it’s clean again. As the old saying goes, you don’t win anything at Christmas (except the 2022 World Cup and probably the 2034 World Cup).
The end of December should be a time to reflect on the moments without trying to turn them into a bar chart. Although he may be kicking in middle age, it feels as if Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are knocking on my front door with increasing regularity to get my mind set on all the sports I’ve watched lately, without comment on something that happened last February. Like opening Spotify and suddenly forgetting every song you’ve ever heard. So these memories are aided by Google, and are unapologetically season-, not calendar-year-related.
Unless you’re a Manchester City fan, it’s hard to find joy in a nationally-backed team with 115 charges hanging over them winning the treble – and now the Club World Cup. But within that you have to acknowledge that demolition of Real Madrid in the Champions League. At times Erling Haaland was charming – a world-class footballer fell into Jack Reacher’s body. That image of Jack Grealish ripped shirtless, arms outstretched on the upper deck in the rain in Manchester, is perfect.
West Ham winning a trophy is a once in a generation thing. Lucas Paquetá’s loaded pass. Rest in peace Jarred Bowen. Moyes in full swing David Pleat’s superb finish to the Europa League final – and look at those fans behind the goal when that ball goes in. It is such a release. It’s a shame that the survival of the Premier League and the quality of the Champions League means that teams regularly rest and rotate in cup competitions.
Further down the pyramid, Wrexham may be completely welcome by now, but Ben Foster’s penalty save against title rivals Notts County when the stopwatch went into the seventh minute of six is a remarkable feat. added. Wrexham are 3-2 up. County fans can hardly watch. The receiver resets the ball. Foster goes right, and he puts it back, and then he becomes a classic keeper trying to organize his defense and what they want to do is hug him. It was just off his line, but County emerged victorious from a wild playoff journey, making that moment of agony worth it.
If we’re anything to go by, Cambridge United on the final day of the season had a great wait as well as Clive for me. A win against Forest Green, while Morecambe and MK Dons both went down. There’s a door-to-door scramble in the final moments of the Burton-MK Dons game that still gives me butterflies despite knowing the result as it took place seven months ago. Burton with nothing to play hurling their bodies along the way as if their lives depended on it. At full time, I sat breathless in a radio studio just trying to take it in – it’s still remarkable how the game makes you feel. And then there’s the Football Victoria Metro South East Division Eight title with Melbourne University Bohemians – stop playing.
Back in the world readers might be interested, those mopeds that follow the team that won the Scudetto through Napoli. So many mopeds. How did they all fit in that tunnel? Sheffield Wednesday 5-1 Peterborough in the League One playoffs – 4-0 deficit overturned. Darren Moore is very happy. Later, Shakhtar Donetsk – displaced by war – beat Barcelona in the Champions League. Jude Bellingham carrying Real Madrid, (almost) everyone falling in love with Ange Postecoglou.
Of course we accept the failures of others to get us through most of the year. Manchester United’s rubbish bin – I was very sorry to be backing them to come back against Villa on Boxing Day – such a strange thing for anyone who grew up with their unrelenting success. The funny thing about Chelsea spending £1bn defying Austin Powers and still in the middle of the table. And then there is the unvarying fury of the VAR conspiracies, devoting hours of their lives to convincing themselves that Howard Webb and his cronies are trying to take down his team and theirs. That all goes well guys. Probably.
I would happily trade all the joy the game has given me in 2023 for handball dating back to the pre-VAR years. The latest is Everton’s Onana doing what Manchester United’s Onana has been actively trying to do for months. But still, does anyone really want punishment for that? If we have to continue to punish defenders every time he hits his hand – let’s campaign for it to be a free kick, wherever they are in the box. Eleven players on the goal line, chaos, less chance of a goal. There are no disadvantages. The quest begins here – and failing that, we can compile a list of the calendar year’s bad handball decisions and move on again in 2025.
