by When I arrived at L’Albereta, my body was breaking. Workers in the UK had just enjoyed their first bank holiday of the spring, Good Friday, which I should have taken as an opportunity to relax and recover, instead of painstakingly rebranding it as “Bad- Friday” with a series of messy nights out. . I was not well – colds, cystitis, migraines, the wound.
So, with my constant congestion and exhaustion, I bundled myself onto a flight to Milan Linate. Two hours later, I was on the way to L’Albereta Relais and Chateaux, also known as the “Soho Farmhouse of Milan.” And with the quick flight and 50 minute transfer, it wasn’t much more taxing than going to the Soho Farmhouse itself.
L’Albereta is a 19th-century residence in the countryside of Erbusco, a short distance from Lago d’Iseo, Lake Como’s small, intimate cousin. It is located between the rolling vineyards of Franciacorta, famous for their excellent sparkling wine. But I wasn’t there for the sparkling wine: it’s sparkling wine that got me into this mess. Instead, my plan was to visit L’Albereta’s newly renovated Chenot Spa, for four days of enforced detox.
Spa Chenot is a state-of-the-art health and wellness facility located under the gardens of L’Albereta. Above ground, there is a bar, a fine dining restaurant, a pizzeria and 53 rooms, suites, and villas where its guests live, as well as a Chenot restaurant reserved specifically for detoxifiers.
The Chenot method is a detoxification and dietary treatment that aims to heal and reverse aging. There is a lot of detail about its traditional Chinese medicine roots and focus on restoring “energy centers”, so let me give you some factual highlights. You are limited to 850 calories per day. You go through at least one spa treatment a day, mainly consisting of hydrotherapy, mud baths and cupping massages. And you are medically tested to help you identify what is wrong with you, and how to improve it.
This was the part I was most interested in, but obviously I’m not going to turn down the obligatory daily bubble bath and massage. For a 26 year old woman, I get quite sick. For a while, I’ve been plagued with the worry that something is seriously wrong with me.
Thank God, no. I found this out on the second day, after a lifestyle biomarker meeting, a bioenergy check and a medical consultation. This involves a blood test, a chat about your usual diet and a test to see which “energy centers” you have under stress. I was suspicious of this chakra-esque aspect, but the Chenot practitioner correctly identified my liver and legs as being under stress, which was absolutely correct. What was even more interesting, however, was the result of my blood and medical tests: I am deficient in vitamin B and C, which explains all the illness, as well as being under hydrated and oversaturated with salt (d I replied to the doctor, “That’s because I love salt.”) But, on the other hand, I seem to have the metabolism of a 23-year-old. Huzzah!
Similarly it was clear how little I could remember about my own diet, which tends to be about 50 per cent Pret and 50 per cent Deliveroo. But with Chenot, I had to eat balanced meals, even if they were minimal and I was hungry half the time. They are not exactly fine food, despite being the size of a great food, but you will be very happy with the smart choice of foods. Chia seed puddings, nuts and yogurt for breakfast, soups and lean meats make up most of the meals. I’m surprised to admit that since I left, I’ve craved these tiny meals regularly.
For the relaxing part of the detox, guests go through a three-step process each day. First, there is hydrotherapy, which is basically a targeted Jacuzzi with alternating jets between each of your muscles. Basically it’s just about having a bath, but something about the complete lack of stimulation (no books, no phones, hands in the tub) makes me think. Then there’s a mud wrap that could lull anyone into a strange bog-like sleep. And then an intense cupping massage with a focus on the guests’ energy centers. It’s not as relaxing as a standard massage, but it definitely loosens the knots.
Repeating these methods for days – seven is the minimum number of days recommended for a detox stay to be effective – will definitely be put back, and, let’s be real, lose some pounds. I only tried it for two before giving in and tucking into some nocellara olives and (sorry, I’m weak) sparkling wine, and even that somehow managed to dilute me with some lingering hints of tone revealed in my muscles.
This is the real benefit of L’Albereta. You can go for the detox downstairs, then come out of the deep when you’re ready and sit on the terrace sipping the best Franciacorta while the golden hour sun drops below the horizon. The other food options must be explored, especially in the pizzeria, offered by the famous chef Franco Pepe Margherita Sbagliata (coming to London soon). The hotel’s bar overlooks the vineyards, which means you can sip wine while looking directly at its source – so farm-to-table, I’m all about vineyard-to-glass. In addition, there is sprawling nature around L’Albereta, with cycling and walking routes to the nearby Lago d’Iseo, where visitors can swim if they wish.
As for the detox: I didn’t expect to enjoy it, but if I could do it every time I had a big weekend, I would. I’m pretty sure it cured me.
The Chenot Advanced Detox Program at L’Albereta is 4,990 EUR per person. L’Albereta, Franciacorta offers double rooms from EUR 520 per night based on two sharing on a B&B basis. albereta.it
