by We hear the term “far right” a lot these days. Or at least we do if we get our news from the BBC, The Guardian or prominent left-wing pundits. But what exactly do they mean by it? Unfortunately, they rarely say. They tend to call a party, politician or group of voters “far right”, and leave it at that.
Thank God, help is available. Take our quick quiz to find out if you are at risk of joining the growing number of dangerous extremists labeled the “far right”…
1. In 1993, the UK had a net annual immigration figure of approximately zero. Thirty years later, in 2023, it had a net annual immigration figure of 685,000. How do you feel about this change?
a. It shows how much Rishi Sunak’s racist, xenophobic, Islamophobic, Tory Government hates Migrants. The 2023 figure should be at least twice as high.
b. I can’t see any problems with it. Certainly not in the charming, peaceful and expensive middle-class suburb where I live.
c. Now that you put it, the 2023 figure seems a trifle on the steep side.
2. Do women have penises?
a. It’s clear. Come on, this is basic biology. As of around 2015.
b. Oh, do we need to keep stopping these destructive culture wars? What’s wrong with putting convicted rapists in a prison full of women, anyway?
c. No?
3. Last Saturday the IDF rescued four Israeli hostages from Gaza. What was your reaction?
a. Like all other decent, compassionate people, I was deeply disturbed by the premeditated killing of innocent Hamas operatives.
b. Both sides should put aside their differences and live in peace. Why doesn’t anyone seem to have thought of this?
c. If Hamas did not want the IDF to launch an armed operation to rescue the hostages, perhaps they should not have taken the hostages in the first place.
4. Last month, a Leeds councilor ended his local election acceptance speech by shouting, “Allahu Akbar!” How did you feel about this?
a. There was nothing remotely sinister or threatening about it at all. As anyone who knows the first thing about Islamic culture can tell you, it means “happy birthday”.
b. Do we really have to wait for this kind of thing? It’s all terribly awkward and uncomfortable. Look, let’s keep our heads down, and I’m sure it will all blow over.
c. He might be a very nice guy once you get to know him, but I can’t say I have any immediate plans to invite him over for wine and nibbles.
YOUR ANSWERS
Mainly to: Congratulations! You are progressive. So you have all the approved opinions on today’s key issues.
Mostly b: You are a central person. As a result, you believe in moderation, nuance, and not expressing any opinion that could damage your standing in fashionable circles. If Person X argues that 2+2=4 and Person Y argues that 2+2=5, you propose a sensible compromise of 4½.
Mostly c: You are far-Cheis, bigoted, hate-filled, genocidal, transphobic Zionist. You are literally Hitler.
Green Gaga
Liberal commentators used to say that Ukip was a treasure trove of Tory fanatics. I wonder if they will say the same thing now about what is happening on the Left. Because the Greens, it seems to me, have become a storehouse for people who are too attached to Labour. They are a magnet for fanatics. Lode stone for loons. It’s like they launched a recruitment campaign using the slogan: “Join the Greens – the party that puts the ‘mind’ in the ‘environment’.”
Still, it’s not just his supporters who can be a touch eccentric. Take this amazing story about his deputy, Zack Polanski. While working as a hypnotherapist on Harley Street 11 years ago, he told a woman Sun journalist that he could, by using the powers of his unconscious mind, help make her breasts bigger.
Since entering politics, Mr. Polanski has been embarrassed. When questioned by LBC radio on Wednesday, he said he would apologize for his comments.
Somehow, though, I wish he would stand his ground. He could argue that, like any good Green, he was simply trying to reduce our reliance on plastic.
In any case, Mr Polanski is not the first politician to make such a promise. During the 2005 election campaign, Boris Johnson declared that voting Conservative would “give your wife bigger breasts”.
Another broken promise. No wonder Tory voters are so unhappy.
Rowling in the aisles
A playwright who “identifies” her has written a play about JK Rowling portraying her as a “terf” (Trans-Exclusive Radical Feminist) for her opposition to gender ideology. However, it is reported that the producers of the play are struggling to find actresses willing to fill the female roles.
Personally I don’t see the problem. Surely men could play the parts just as well.
The Way of the World A twice-weekly satirical look at the headlines that aims to poke fun at the absurdities of the modern world. It is published at 7am every Tuesday and Saturday
