by Thinking of exchanging numbers before the first date? You may want to turn off this iPhone feature.
Giving someone your phone number before the first date can help coordinate logistics and keep the conversation flowing outside of a dating app. But one unintended privacy consequence can also come with it.
If you’re an iPhone user, your phone number is tied to your contact information, and it may automatically reveal your full name once someone adds you as a new contact. On dating apps, the default is usually first names only –– and many of us prefer to keep it that way until we decide otherwise.
When someone knows your full name, it will be easier for them to find your exact job, social media accounts and, in my case, my LinkedIn profile. Before I turned off this iPhone “name sharing” feature, I had one date find my articles immediately after I shared my phone number. He added me as a contact on LinkedIn before we ever met in person. My potential first date turned into a networking opportunity for him – one more reason why I prefer to remain “Monica” until we meet in person.
To turn off this feature:
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Go to Settings.
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Select Messages. From there, you can completely remove some names and photos. You can also choose your first name and edit your last name.
Or, if you keep the name sharing feature on, you can select “Share automatically” and choose between doing this with “Contacts Only” or with the express permission of “Always ask.” If you choose the “Always ask” option, your iPhone will prompt you before conversations, confirming that you want to share your name and photo with the other person.
More Phone Safety Tips Before First Dates
Aside from turning off the name sharing feature, it can help to follow these additional tips to get online safer:
1. Text a friend about where you’re meeting your date and who he/she is.
Lane Moore, comedian and author of “You’re Not the One F*cking Up: Breaking the Endless Cycle of Dating Mistakes,” told HuffPost that she took advice herself when texting a friend about a first date.
“It’s always comforting to text a friend and tell them where you’re going to be and who you’re going to meet,” she said. “Even if it’s a great date, it’s nice to have someone else know where you are.”
Similarly, dating coach Ali Jackson said she always sends someone a screenshot of a person’s dating app profile. “Also, my best friends have my location and often know where we’re going,” she said.
2. If you want, the power to keep the conversation within the app going until you are comfortable.
Don’t feel pressured to move the conversation off the dating app.
“Someone asking for your personal phone number is not a red flag. But it’s an opportunity for you to check in and see if you’re comfortable moving the conversation off the platform,” said Erinn Robinson, director of media relations for the National Rape, Abuse & Impairment Network, an anti-sex organization. commonly known violence. from RAINN.
Robinson noted that one benefit of talking on a dating platform is how it can be easier to block and end communications there compared to your personal cell phone messages.
You only need to give the first date of your real mobile phone number. Jackson said people might want to use a Google Voice number they share with games before a date. “That way, your actual phone number tied to your identity can stay private until you decide to share it,” she said.
3. Realize that photos you share can reveal your location.
Many people may not consider that “live” or “motion” photos can “pass geolocation information along with the photo,” Robinson said, “so be careful when sharing images with people.”
When you take photos with your phone, information such as the day you took the picture and where you took it are automatically stored as metadata.
However, you can extract location data from your iPhone photos. To do this, go to the Photos app, tap on the picture in question, and then select the info (or “in”) option. From there, you’ll see the exact location where the photo was taken, and you can select “No Location” to remove this metadata.
On Android devices, you can only remove estimated locations on photos. You can do this by going to Google Photos, tapping on a picture, and selecting “More.” From there, select “Edit” and remove the estimated location.
In general, it is important to know that safety tips are not guarantees. Robinson noted that RAINN refers to its own online dating guide as “safer tips,” since “no sexual assault tip is ever a guarantee of safety.”
Ultimately you should let your own comfort dictate the amount of information you disclose in advance on the first date. Trust your gut. If someone keeps pushing for more information than you’re ready to share, that can be a sign of a “block” and keep it moving.
Need Help? Visit RAINN’s National Online Sexual Assault Hotline or the National Sexual Violence Resource Center website.
