by THEY ARE UNITED
The last time Manchester United finished bottom of their group in the Big Cup was December 2005, when they bravely finished below a Lille side who scored just one goal in six games. Old Trafford was a sad place to be back then. One of the United trinity of the 1960s had recently died, a great man who had just left the club under a cloud made entirely of his own nasal fumes (yes, yes, we know Cristiano left Ronaldo a year ago, but he never let on facts. put in a half-@rsed historical comparison) and the pressured manager looked like he’d be happy to snuff out half the press pack with his bare hands. A club in crisis, just like today. In the next three seasons, Manchester United won three titles in the Premier League, the Major Cup and the Club World Cup. Then you, it’s all cyclical, let us relax and enjoy the darts during Christmas. Well, dear everyone!
[Long discussion ensues between Football Daily and a stick-wielding The Man, punctuated by soprano-range yelps]
Let’s start that one again. Football Daily’s crack hacks team are trying to verify unconfirmed reports that Erik ten Hag has a newfound sympathy for David Moyes, Louis van Gaal, José Mourinho and Ole Gunnar Solskjær after Manchester United’s farewell to Ireland from the Cup at Old Trafford last night. The club cannot be managed again, even if there are certain mitigating circumstances. United may have only qualified for Marcus Rashford’s red card in Copenhagen, Rashford and Anthony Martial missed last night’s game due to illness after standing in the cold for too long at St James’ Park. If they fail, Ten Hag could be without 13 senior players for a public flogging on Sunday at Anfield. But this is a) Manchester United and b) the year 2023. Nobody wants nuance, grandad.
Ten Hag said United’s performance was “very good” and they didn’t deserve to lose, which was news to the neutrals. In his first season Ten Hag was smooth, extremely honest and certainly coped with the unique pressure of being Manchester United manager. In the last few months that has changed. Ten Hag said something similar about United’s performance after a dogged game at Fulham last month, sounding more like an English politician than a Dutch football manager. If he starts talking about “delivering to the British people”, we’ll know his noggin is gone. We know how this ends. In the medium term, Ten Hag are as likely to turn things around as the best social media admitting they are sorry to Solskjær.
There are at least two sides to every story, though, even if we rarely hear them when it comes to the MUFC clickbait machine. Last night was less about Bayern Munich, the team that beat United with one hand down their pants, and more about the team that qualified for the last 16. FC Copenhagen beat Galatasaray 1-0 to reach the last 16, then immediately announced free beer. for everyone in the stadium. Bayer Leverkusen manager Klaus Toppmöller’s most famous Big Cup sign since celebrating the semi-final win over Manchester United in 2001-02 was announcing “this is the time for wine and cigarettes”. The last time Copenhagen reached the final stage of the Major Cup was in 2010-11, also the last time United reached the final. See, he’s coming around again, nothing to worry about. It’s all cyclical-aaaaagh!
LIVE ON A BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray for Men’s Major Cup updates on Newcastle 1-2 Milan, while Michael Butler brings you Dortmund 1-1 PSG and Sarah Rendell is all over Lyon 3-0 Brann in the Women’s Major Cup. All games will start at 8pm GMT.
STATEMENT OF THE DAY
“About six months to a year ago I played a game and there were away Leeds fans right in front of me. I swear to you that I was as disturbed and angry as they still are with me. This transfer was made more than 20 years ago” – Rio Ferdinand does not appreciate the elephant-like memory of fans when there is an excuse to boo and b@ntz.
DAILY FOOTBALL LETTERS
With a few mentions from Dion Dublin in yesterday’s Football Daily (full email edition), as well as a comment about losing the dressing room, it felt like Bryan’s Gunn’s latest piece of art would be extremely relevant” – Jim Hearson.
This summer I was in San Sebastian. The locals speak proudly of two things; their food and their football club. Real Sociedad is a testament to what local talent and passion can do. The belonging is visible. The same vibes you get from your neighborhood independent grocer compared to the TESCOs and ALDIs” – Krishna Moorthy (and no other Euro football correspondent).
Ahem, first of all a different number of pedants here, but in reality they were not acronyms or abbreviations (Football Daily letters passim). Those were initials” – James Yelland (and 1,056 others).
Send any letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter winner is … Jim Hearson, who receives a copy of Reign of the Lionesses, published by Pitch Publishing. Visit their amazing football book store here.
LIBERATION SONG?
With Newcastle’s goalkeeping department struggling ahead of the clash with Milan, third-choice Loris Karius is on standby to make his first major league appearance since his disastrous 2018 major league final display for Liverpool in against Real Madrid. “All our goalies [are ready] really,” said Callum Wilson. “Even Mark Gillespie, people you don’t see a lot of, they’re all top goalkeepers. They will give you a run for your money in training during practice completion. Whoever is between the sticks, I’m sure they’ll be more than capable.”
NEWS, YEAST AND BOBS
Chelsea have condemned racial abuse directed towards Lauren James after the England international became the center of controversy after appearing to push Lia Wälti in Sunday’s Women’s Super League derby against Arsenal.
The Turkish Super Lig will resume on Tuesday after a week’s suspension due to an on-field attack by a club president on a referee, who was discharged from hospital on Wednesday with a swollen eye.
Ipswich are top of the Championship, baby! The late Sam Morsy’s winner made it 2-1 at Watford.
While Jude suffered a rare white in Real Madrid’s 3-2 win at Union Berlin, his younger brother Jobe ensured Bellingham got on the scoresheet on Tuesday as he bagged the decisive goal in Sunderland’s 1-0 win over Leeds. And Will Still could soon be in charge of the Black Cats if hot talks go well.
Erling Haaland’s foot may not be as bad as first suspected, with Pep Guardiola hinting that his star striker could even be fit for this weekend’s home game against Crystal Palace. “The next press conference [on Friday] I can be more precise,” said Pep.
And Chelsea players are worried about Thiago Silva not being captain in the absence of Reece James and Ben Chilwell, which makes Conor Gallagher feel great.
MOVE THE TARGET POSITIONS
“Many think football is not a game for women”: why Egypt is falling behind. In the latest edition of our sister email, Osasu Obayiuwana looks at the struggles facing the women’s national team in north Africa’s most populous country. And you can sign up to our weekly women’s football email here.
STILL ABOUT MORE?
“End of a Premier League season that felt like a gentle, even tender, act of sporting euthanasia”: Barney Ronay opts for Manchester United’s European exit.
Meet Liam Henderson – the first Scot to play in Serie A for 30 years.
Celtic have been worst in the Premier League this season. Ewan Murray assesses their campaign using different words here.
The attack on the referee represents Turkey’s toxic attitude towards officials, says Emre Sarigul.
As nation-state ownership becomes normalized in football, there is a growing number of fans willing to make excuses for autocracy, says Fred Garratt-Stanley.
And which teams were the top scorers but finished at the bottom and which teams won on xG? The Knowledge knows.
MEMORY LANE
Remembering those good times at Bolton in February 2004, when Sam Allardyce was preparing for the Carling Cup final by dressing himself in whatever blue and white regalia he could get his hands on. Good luck didn’t lead to silverware, mind. Bolton lost 2-1 against Middlesbrough.
MAN OF CRIME
