by The Heat are hoping to make a brief return this week. I’m not usually one for edicts but high summer is its own beast of a style conundrum and it’s the fashion editor’s blessing and curse to be the one to hold you all accountable for your outfit decisions. Those are the rules — or in the spirit of dictator Carmy from The Bear, non-negotiables — and I’m here to reiterate them for you. Your welcome.
Exposure levels
At home, one should dress properly. Outside of a lido there is no excuse for an acre of meat. Specifically I’m thinking of the horrific British trope of a bare-chested man sauntering along the high street. Men, to be clear: no one wants to see your sweaty, shirtless body. Especially on public transport. Nipples of all genders should be kept firmly under wraps. If you’re wearing a shirt (thank you) keep an eye on chest exposure. If yours is not a perfectly cushioned, well-decorated example, remove the button carefully. There is no justification for excessive heat/splitting or loose chest hair. Too much meat in an office is rude and uncomfortable for everyone, especially, I think, the chick flinging around in miniskirts on an itchy swivel chair.
Addresses
A general point of cross season order is that if you carry a rucksack on any form of public transport, it is your duty as a Londoner to take this off your shoulder on board. On your feet, away from other passengers please. Likewise that big woven basket you picked up in Toulon/Oliver Bonas shouldn’t take its own seat. For me, the people who give us an extra seat for their hand luggage are the worst for us. I don’t care if it’s Loewe: on your lap, thank you.
Shorten issues
Are your shorts the perfect summer buy? These are not suitable for the city, certainly not if one is likely to be scattered. Loose and light fabric? Consider the potential slippage exposure. A tailored clip just above the knee in crisp, tight cotton will keep you dignified and secure.
Denim girth
At Wimbledon I was horrified to find so many men in what I can only describe as the sort of skinny white jeans Liz Hurley might have worn in 1994. Even if you’re Johnny Borrell from the Noughties indie outfit Razorlight, these are not acceptable. in 2024. If you need to dive into the current vogue for white jeans, at least it must be a straight leg loose or boot cut. Watch out for ankle bunching, too. You may have to go to the dry cleaners for a tailored suit: it’s just an honor.
Sock statistics
Ok, I don’t have any actual stats on socks. But! Women still committed to floral dresses, white trainers and trainer socks – I respect your total conviction on the look, it doesn’t matter that I and my fellow fashion editors try to kill it. But wearing any sock, whether it’s a pulled-up-trend version or not, is your duty to other Londoners. A sockless trainer carries an ungodly stench that will not only take away from your marital/colleague relationship, it will wind up like the rotting corpse of a rat stuck in a drain. Be respectful, wear socks.
Prey
Linen is having its usual moment in the changing summer sun. This is to be expected (Cos has some excellent examples at the moment) and is indeed advanced. Beautiful, beautiful, breathable linen. What is less ideal is its tendency to crease. We can’t speculate on the skill of the iron in the Knightley-Righton residence, but Keira (in Chanel) and her old Klaxon husband, James, turned up at the tennis court looking in need of a steamer. Bad belting will ruin a good outfit and spoil a picture, something to consider in your summer event schedule.
Legs
Sigh. Despite perfectly serviceable nail bars, every year runners end up with bruised nails, cracked heels and scaly, hairy feet. So unpleasant. A pedicure is truly non-negotiable. Make it happen. I don’t have major problems with open toe shoes in offices when my feet are properly cared for. If you can not manage this, you must reach in the morning with a closed toe (gladiator sandals are very nice).
Personal hygiene
Sadly we are not all blessed with Prince Andrew’s post-Falklands inability to break a sweat. Deodorant there, use it. Perfume is fine, but don’t be too strong. People suffering from hay fever are sensitive to pungent smells; it is charitable to think of them and the rest of us. A hyperactive sneeze is endlessly annoying.
Guest list
If you are invited to an event where you are expected to dress up, it is your obligation to RSVP. Clean and polish your shoes. Wear a jacket for places of worship. Apply sunscreen to ensure you don’t go too heavy on social media. Rethink bold looks: do you allow visibility in photos? One reason I had for a winter wedding was to avoid guests arriving in the subtle high street prints that are an unfortunate feature of summer nuptials.
Victoria Moss is the fashion director of the Evening Standard and ES magazine
