by One of the biggest and best music festivals in the world, Glastonbury is a massive party. Around 200,000 people flock to Worthy Farm – a site the size of Bristol city center – and there’s little fun to be had.
With over 100 stages to choose from across the entire festival, and countless ways to pass the time between bands, it’s understandable that you’ll feel like a Glastonbury first-timer – but never fear, there we have your back.
From the super obvious (remember your tent, and for the love of all that’s holy, carry the loo roll everywhere you go) to the super niche hacks we’ve learned along the way, here are the tips and tricks to help you make the most of the festival.
Keep an eye
Have we mentioned that Glastonbury is still huge? Accordingly, you will be completely lost along the way – and for the most part, we would recommend accepting the journey.
Who knows what you will stumble upon along the way? If you’re in a hurry to get somewhere, however, the Old Railway Line is your best friend, especially later at night when your navigational abilities are a little impaired.
The disused train runs right through the center of the festival, so when in doubt, go here, trust the colorful signage, and jump off when you’ve got your bearings. El Hunt
Beware of the long drop loos
There are all kinds of toilets to choose from at Glastonbury: men’s urinals, women’s urinals, the composting loos, and the rare and unobtainable luxury portaloo. The most popular variation, however, is the long drop – an open air cubicle with saloon style doors and a beautiful green paint job.
How to express this gently? As the late-night cheers begin, this variety of loo takes a dystopian turn, and the floor can get a little… well, you won’t want to put anything down.
My advice? There is not much you can do about it if you are in the middle of the site, but foreearned is foreearned. Oh and use the metal locking latch as a transfer bag/jacket hanger, and whatever you do, don’t look down. EH
Bring toilet roll… everywhere
Look, just trust us on this one. EH
Get some cheap food
Forget subsisting on greasy, limp burgers: Glastonbury has some of the best food from the festival, and it can be eaten like a king. Name a cuisine, and you’ll likely find it at Worthy Farm. That said, there will be three meals a day – so keep an eye out for an affordable £6 festival meal. The Hare Krishna tent, next to BBC Introducing, offers free vegetarian meals to all visitors, and you can join in with some cheers and songs as you eat in style. The permaculture areas – and the various veggie restaurants scattered throughout the Green Fields – are a great bet for some cheap grub. EH
First night fireworks
Getting up early to claim the festival’s best camping spots? Don’t miss out on Wednesday’s opening ceremonies. As well as a handful of weird and wonderful processions (the best of the bunch takes place in the Healing Fields, around 4pm) the main attraction is Glastonbury’s massive bonfire and fireworks display. Head for the hills, bag around the Tipi Village, Stone Circle, or the huge slope behind the park area, and take in the incredible views with tinny – it all starts out after dark, at about 10pm. EH
Skip the heavy bags
Can’t you think of the value of hauling weekend goods through the festival gates? Good news: there’s a Co-op on site that will sell you various provisions (at a huge discount, of course). Stick your alcohol into a plastic bottle, and take it with you from home. Then hit up the shops for some mixers when you’re on the lookout; bottles of Coke and cans of Sprite are usually available. And, of course, there’s Pot Noodles for those looking to save money on grub. Vicky Jessop
Package for Tiger Balm
Pushing the long drops is undoubtedly the least enjoyable part of the festival. But when nature calls and the queues at the compost toilets stretch into the hills, there’s nothing else for it. Put Tiger balm or Vick’s vapor rub in your bag to dab under your nose to keep the worst smells at bay. Get in, get out – and enjoy the rest of your day. Also convenient for healing mystery bruises. Abha Shah
And your Bluetooth trackers
WiFi is extremely scary at Worthy Farm, especially when the headliners and networks end up clocking up as 200,000-odd people text frantically trying to reach their colleagues. Instead, invest in Bluetooth trackers and put them on your friends – most have a key ring hole that you can thread and wear as a necklace. They work by using other phones to send location updates to your mobile, and most have a range of around 120 metres. Perfect for locating your friends precisely in the middle of a packed crowd, without killing your battery. MAR
Peace Out
When the crowds get too much or you just can’t take the sun/heat/mud anymore, you can always retreat to the Peace Garden. Located next to the Stone Circle, this is a relaxing space with plenty of space to hang out with friends or take a quiet nap between acts. It is much better than the attack course trying to get back to your field. Besides, you didn’t spend £300-odd to sit in your tent, did you? MAR
Don’t go too hard, too soon
Pace yourself, at least a little. Worthy Farm is big – really big. It gets tiring traipsing between steps all day, especially over a full weekend. Accept that you won’t see everyone you want, and enjoy catching them. You’ve got to be swinging for a party too – it’s probably not worth being so rowdy on a Thursday that your big breed ruins the next day’s music. At the same time, it’s good to have fun. Robbie Griffiths
Lock your wines
So, you’re safe and sound into Glastonbury, a wobbly trolley shaking under the weight of seven Savvy B boxes and crates of cider. Now what? Well, if you want to feel super smug about your life choices days later when you run out of booze on the way to the Downlow NYC, spend a few hours early on distributing your supplies to tactically over some of the 14 lock-ups property of the festival.
Open 24 hours a day and run by volunteers from the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament, Friends of the Earth Birmingham and Brighton Center for Peace and Environment, the lock-ups will look after any valuables, and are free to use (although you can donate to the various charities to say thank you). Oh, and because they’re literal saints, the lock-ups also give out a free loo roll. EH
And finally…don’t overthink it
While it’s obviously a good idea to go into Glastonbury fully prepared with a highlighted investigator in hand, there is such a thing as too much preparation.
If none of the headliners strike your fancy for one night, skip the main stages altogether and head out on an adventure: from underground piano bars and top-secret sets inside train carriages to an entire disco hidden inside of thresholdoo, limitless ridiculousness is on tap at every turn.
A few free hours between bands? Walk vaguely towards one of the strangest areas, and just… see what happens. You’ll be talking about your new favorite hidden gem like a weathered Glastonbury veteran in no time.
