by As nights go, the local elections were a big deal for Labour. Think drinks after work, kissing the colleague you’ve been flirting with for months and ending up on their own. That was Labor early on Friday morning and the Tories were left looking like the halitosis-riding bloke who’s been in office for years that nobody wants to talk to, let alone spin.
But as Britain wakes up to the real prospect of a Labor government today, Tory voters are surely asking themselves whether this one-night stand – be it with Labour, Reform or, God, with the Liberal Democrats or the Greens – really. matrimonial matter. Because make no mistake, if you sleep through any of these parties, you will be haunted by Sir Keir Starmer for at least four years, and possibly 10 years.
Trust me, I can understand the deep-rooted sense of betrayal that drives people into the arms of the knight nose. With his slick Brylcreem and love Arsenal platforms, I can see the attractiveness of the self-styled “man of the people” compared to the preppy billionaire Rishi Sunak, with his patronizing plans five points and his 180 pounds “smart mug”. When it comes to irritatingly priggish politicians who do not have a proper vision for Britain, there is hardly a paper between them (not that either of them would even dream of smoking a roll-up).
In fact, the level of apathy is such that some of the previously apathetic Tories have become positively apolitical. Faced with the prospect of a three-way tie with Richard Tice and Nigel Farage, they have decided not to vote altogether. I get it, honestly I can. But those voters are mistaken if they believe that a socialist like Starmer, who put up Jeremy Corbyn for four years, represents a lot of continuity conservatism. I appreciate Sunak wet, but come on.
When the total sum of this protest vote results in two red lines on the political pregnancy test in October or November, the Conservatives will realize that they have given birth to a monster.
A Labor term will leave the kind of tangled mess that Supernanny would struggle to take the bold step. Forget Doctor Spock – this desperado would rather stick his fingers in his ears than listen to reason. Or maybe it will be like living with Kevin the Teenager – but a 21st century version, complete with pronouns, protests and endless requests for more pocket money.
When they are not being pushed by Donald Trump on the world stage, they will be trying hard to integrate themselves with the “adults” in the Civil Service, the Treasury, the EU, the international courts and all the other establishments. officials seem to think they know better than everyone else. If that wasn’t bad enough, they will be joined by a Cabinet that will flip-flop so much on policy that it won’t even touch the sides.
Worried about the cost of living? Don’t worry, Ed Miliband, of bacon sandwich fame, will be there to splash your hard-earned cash on Greta Thunberg’s Christmas list.
Concerned about immigration? Fear not, Yvette Cooper will be here to find return deals with the Taliban, Bashar al-Assad and Ali Khamenei. That is of course when she has ended the Illegal Migration Act and torn up the Rwandan treaty – even if it stops the boats in the end. The smuggling gangs will “deal with” her, but only until she has finished explaining that there are no economic migrants under Labour, only “people fleeing persecution”.
And since the Office for Budget Responsibility has already factored in a legal migration rate of 350,000 for the next five years, there’s nothing Labor can do about it, right? Want a cap on the numbers? Do not bother with it. This is the party that inherited net migration of around 60,000 in the 25 years to 1997 and set us on a course to increase it by 100, to 6 million, over the next 25 years.
Those who run their own businesses will be able to count on Labour’s “New Deal for Workers” to reform what one of their many union masters has mistakenly described as “a of the worst employment rights leagues in Europe”. That’s when they’re not too busy trying to strike workers, renationalising the railways and taxing anyone who creates wealth in this country until the pipes blow.
Driving a car? You can look forward to road charging per mile if you’re not willing to drive an electric vehicle – but don’t mind having the place to charge it. Hoping to end the culture wars? One can be sure that Labour’s “rising stars” Wes Streeting and Shabana Mahmood have finally decided that transgender women are not women, after all. They might not get it right, folks, but at least it’s the last one.
It doesn’t help, by the way, to be comfortable with this idea that Starmer could only win a small majority. A small majority could leave him bewitched by hard-Left loons and pro-Palestinian fanatics, making his fruitcake administration look even better. And when polling guru Professor John Curtice points out that “these are good results but not disastrous results” for Labour, we should be worried.
As the nation’s leading pollster put it: “Labour is still not undertaking the kinds of truly dramatic local election dramas that they managed to achieve under Tony Blair before the 1997 general election.”
This is because the Labor leader not only lacks Blair’s personality but also lacks moderate politics. Unlike his Thatcherite predecessor, who won two terms of office precisely because he was not an anorak-wearing pinko, Starmer has described himself as a “red-green” socialist.
This is a man who in the past suggested that unions should control “industry and the public”. A regular contributing Socialist Lawyer, he once declared that “Karl Marx was right, of course”.
He may have later tried to pretend he doesn’t have those tendencies by pushing forward under patriotism and the flag of St George – but we saw his true colors during the pandemic, when he proposing ever more stringent lockdown measures. He’s not some shy Blairite (if there is such a thing), he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Tories only need to look at Wales, Birmingham, and indeed London to see how badly these victory signs run things. And Labor won’t be getting a golden economic inheritance, either. When Blair came to power, inflation was at 2.6 per cent, unemployment was at 1.6 million and falling and the economy was growing for almost 20 consecutive quarters. We are now faced with a heavily spent Labor government – no money. That can only mean higher taxes. It will be carnage… of Conservative making.
